@chanelsprinkles: *illegally downloads a social life*
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@cbdoubleu: Hulk Hogan: I struggled to overcome manic-depression. Me [as his therapist]: So you could say you had to wrestle mania? *gets leg dropped*
@joejwest: DATE: You hear that an ostrich escaped from the zoo? ME: [from the kitchen] No DATE: Oh. What's for dinner? ME: A suspiciously large chicken
@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.