@KevinFarzad: I'm 70% water and 40% bad at math.
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@TheRobCee: In hell, your mouth is always freshly brushed & minty, and all they have to drink is orange juice.
@simoncholland: You realize kids in other countries make Air Jordan's and iPhones right? -Me responding poorly to my kid's homemade Father's Day gifts.
@bourgeoisalien: I want a bouncy house at my funeral. And I want to be in it, too. When all my friends jump, my lifeless body will bounce with them. What fun