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@KevinFarzad: I'm 70% water and 40% bad at math.
@houffy: I don't think the church is going to let me pick music for the bible group again. In my defense, the band name "Lamb of God" is misleading.
@jackiemonahan: Dear Jesus- please let all my texts go to the correct person- Amen
@LuckoftheDraw86: I'm THIS MANY drunk!!
*holds up waffle*
@ThePoke: UPDATE: Twitter Reacts To The Scottish Independence Referendum
@freedom2726: When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question.