@EricGoldie: I'm 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
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@RubyBottoms: The ex says he's come into some money and can finally "take care" of me. Wait...he's gonna have me killed isn't he?
@upsidedowntrash: Coworker: crazy weather we're having Me: [as loud as possible] SHARON FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND FOR A BAG OF REDVINES