@EricGoldie: I'm 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
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@Priscilla_YEAH: Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that's why he doesn't want to shake your hand".
@MisterBombay: People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides
@Xoolun: My wife said she wants to be treated like gold on her birthday. Apparently, locking her in the safe wasn't what she had in mind.
@Coops_Bradley: Just found out I'm pregnant. At least that's what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.