@EricGoldie: I'm 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
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@JD_KC: The lady helping my wife design a dining room table handed me a note reading "blink if you're being held against your will"
@ThisOneSayz: Boss: this project is moving along at a snail's pace!! *silence* Todd the snail: This is bullshit *spends 3hrs storming out of meeting*
@AbbyHasIssues: The cashier told me to have a good New Year like my purchase of oven cleaner and frozen pizza suggests anything else.