@Phook75: I'm 89% certain I'm technically still dating at least 3 women from the late 90's early 2000's cause I left for beer and never came back
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@hyperblastchic: My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn't recognize him when she was canning pickles.
@YoungNobler: Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien.
@crunkdumpster: Give a man a fish and he'll be like, "Dude I'm allergic to fish." TEACH a man to fish and he'll be like, "THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH"
@matsmoustache: You walk into my bedroom... I'm laying naked with a platter of nachos on my chest. You get punched while trying to take some of my nachos.