@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm 99% sure the plane Harrison Ford was in is from the Amelia Earhart exhibit at the Smithsonian.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.
@HiddenPinky: Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]
@misfarber: I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about
@MandiAtRandom: I feel like something is missing from my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.