@somelightcrying: I'm a businessman so I tuck my shirt in. There's a lot of money on the line so I need you to know that this is roughly where my legs start.
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@Madame_Royale: I'm in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they're both on their way to tell my husbands.
@thenatewolf: Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy. I love to eat capitalization.
@RobElliottComic: Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain