@leyawn: im a cat and i FREaking love turning potential energy into kinetic *pushes glass off table* your going to feed and keep me for some reason
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@HallpassCanada: My work has this cute thing they do where if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone elses too.
@slimmy_shady: [wife enters as I'm doing the worm] Wife: WTH are you doing? Me: It's not what it looks like. Worm: Who the hell is she?!
@ClaytonSykes: Revere rides a horse saying "The British are Coming"and it's heroic but I hop a pogo stick naked screaming "look at me"and it's probation?
@OctoberJones: In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.