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@13spencer: "I'm a diamond in the rough."
"That's a whole lot of rough."
@Book_Krazy: Me: you can't just be pretty. You have to be smart too!
8: But mom, you're pretty.
Me: Awe thank......wait what?
@NicestHippo: BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot--
LAWYER: *plays dead*
BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go
@vodkachrome: I'm not even sure I remember how to have sex without holding my phone.
@JermHimselfish: There used to be 9 planets, just like there used to be 9 members of Wu-Tang, but then ODB died so they had to kick Pluto out of the group.
@AdamBroud: Gym Employee: Thats not how you operate that machine, sir.
Me: *Hanging clothes all over treadmill* But this is how I use it at home.