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@blondebombs: I'm a dirty bird.
*shits on your windshield*
@TheDairylandDon: Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much...
@DamienFahey: Piss me off in the grocery store and I'll get in front of you in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check.
@kalindi_rana: I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it.
Doctor: This is your third Botox appointment. That wasn't even funny the first time.
@ReaIlyHighGuy: The sun is a star. So technically it's night all the time.
@cervixsmash: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family