@TravLeBlanc: I'm a failure as a sociopath. I'm just not very good at manipulating and taking advantage of people. I'm more of a so-sopath.
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@shawnspree: Girls that are 16 and pregnant look stupid now.. But their kids will move out when they are 34.
@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
@treywafer: Her: wanna dance? Me: I'm never gonna dance again Her: why? Me: guilty feet have got no rhythm Her: ? Me: sorry, I'm old...*Fml*
@gerryhallcomedy: "I really wish I could squeeze that piano over and over" - guy who invented the accordion