@Merman_Melville: I'm a female historian who specializes in war atrocities, check out my blog "The War Atrocity Babe"
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@ericaj1721: I'm always behind the person at McDonald's who acts like they've never seen the menu in their life
@weinerdog4life: The date was going great until she spooked me and then I squirted her with ink and quickly swam away
@sad_tree: [crime show] DETECTIVE: It looks like the guy that inserts dramatic music into our show has been.. *Flintstones theme song plays* Murdered
@KentWGraham: For parents, college is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.