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@UnFitz: I'm a giver.
*gives you a hard time*
@BooFricketyHoo: That awkward moment when you are introduced to someone and you have no idea if that person is their child or their spouse.
@lazerdoov: Don't ask a pregnant lady "do you know the sex?" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot
@chaddaniels34: Sometimes when my wife tells me she loves me I get the feeling it's the tennis kind.
@Jade_VK: "I can't believe we're selling this house. So many memories. Man, if walls could talk..."
WALL: "I saw you vacuum up your kid's hamster."
@SocialustGal13: My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That's the last time we're playing Monopoly.