@RonanFarrow: "I'm a great listener." - The US government on a first date.
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@Kilgore_Studge: I always write "boing" in the memo section of my checks, so all parties involved know how this is gonna go.
@TheDeadfishSays: "I don't want to make a spectacle..." Eye glass manufacturers last day on the job.
@JediGigi: Mom asked me what it's like being a single middle aged woman so I took a handful of cat & dog hair from my purse and threw it in her coffee.
@FakeDeanAccount: Q: If you could be any animal, which one would you be? A: The drummer from the Muppets, next question.