@RonanFarrow: "I'm a great listener." - The US government on a first date.
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@girlontapas: Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light.
@5oulhealer: When I was little I asked God for a bike. He didn't deliver so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead.
@kwirkyKerri: *smacks you with my coloring book* Wow. These coloring books really do work to relieve stress.
@jackiembouvier: If I ever go missing, put up fliers saying I left a dog in a hot car so people will actually look for me.