@mikefossey: I'm a janitor at MIT and i see some extremely hard ass equation on the chalk board. i quickly erase it because im not being paid to do math
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@MomOfTeen: He approaches me from behind and wraps his arms around me and I am breathless. With one firm and quick thrust, he dislodges my food.
@spicy_peen: How do people in the movies dig 6-foot deep graves with a shovel? I got tired digging a hole to plant a bush
@TEXASVETERAN: How do you say "I'm sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day." in Korean?
@jlock17: So annoying how every time I go to sleep, my wife starts whispering into my ear "Go towards the light."