@sixthformpoet: I'm a man trapped outside a woman's body.
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@KeetPotato: me: [answers phone in meeting] "this better be important" wife: "i think we're having a baby" me: [sighs] "you told me that 9 months ago"
@MichaelTrying: The moral of “The Three Little Pigs” is “make your house with bricks.” Why are we giving four year olds architectural advice?
@extranapkins: The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago... on this very night