@sixthformpoet: I'm a man trapped outside a woman's body.
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@TheAlexP: Girl seeing my torn jeans Where'd you get those?! *remembers trying to pee on a hill & stumbling backwards through thorn bushes* The Gap.
@Raahael: "Whatever you do in bed, Sealy supports it". Clearly whoever came up with that ad doesn't watch CSI.
@LindaInDisguise: Coworker: What was your college major? Me: How to avoid student-loan debt, with a minor in teen pregnancy.
@kirbys4losers: I can feel you getting distant from me; my only wish for you is that your destination is oncoming traffic.