@MyPornKhan: I'm a married white male; my forefathers saw to it that I'm not allowed to be offended by anything.
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@WilliamAder: Friend at Memorial Day BBQ: I see you wasted no time with the white pants. Me: These are my legs.
@david8hughes: [airport check-in] Me: I'd like to check this in Clerk: you'll have to take that on with u Me [sighing & picking baby up off counter]: fine