@meganamram: I'm a real gym rat (i go there at night and eat their garbage)
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@XGibbons: Lifeguard 1: How was your day? Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad? 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers
@BuckyIsotope: I've only been eating 6 spiders instead of 8 every year so I'll have plenty for retirement.
@goldengateblond: Seriously, if you hacked Trump’s account and wanted to make him look bad, WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN TWEET.