@slennonhugs: I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull
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@LOsepyan: I feel like life would be so much more enjoyable if punching bags and pinatas were strategically placed throughout the day
@mommy_cusses: My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant.
@YesItsAl: My daughter knows what a meth lab is thanks to an episode of The Simpsons. At least that's what I had to tell child services just now.
@Marcmywords2: You can tell a lot about a person by what they swallow first when a cop pulls um over.