@moose_chocolate: I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt.
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@peteholmes: train me. no. train me. okay. training montage. the big fight. i'm glad you trained me. i'm glad i trained you. #everyboxingmovie
@ericsshadow: "Stop texting me. If I wanted to go on the second date, I wouldn't have stolen all your jewelry."
@longwall26: Me: I want to buy this chicken Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him? *imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy* Me: Yes