@moose_chocolate: I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt.
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@shutupmikeginn: Like my therapist always says, "I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea"
@Book_Krazy: [interview] "How would you describe your people skills?" ME: I tend to drive others away. "That's great! Welcome to Uber."
@osoplain: I'm texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up