@carlyken: "I'm a social activist. No seriously. I just changed my profile picture to a rainbow." -everyone on Facebook
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@MissNaughty1801: 7y:why are you putting make up on? Me:to look nicer 7y:when does it start working?
@zachreinert03: Hey people who say 'I want my funeral to be like this': what are you going to do about it if they don't do it like that?
@iwearaonesie: *driving to the store*Lemons, lemons *inside the store* Lemons, Lemons *comes homes* wife:Did you get the apples? *drives back to the store*
@Ygrene: [seeing a skyscraper with all the lights on] oh man the dad of that building is gonna be mad