@carlyken: "I'm a social activist. No seriously. I just changed my profile picture to a rainbow." -everyone on Facebook
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@BeardedSteel: *stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker's office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts
@StevieKnip: lawyer talking under his breath: "guiltypeoplesaywhat?" suspect: what? lawyer: no further questions your honor
@Reverend_Scott: Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch? Oscar: Growing up, my parents were- *stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle* CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN.
@Poutymcgee: ECHO! ECHO! ECHO! Hahaha. Just kidding Tina! But in all seriousness that's quite a serious infection you have here. - Me as a Gynaecologist