@RandomAntics: I'm a vegetarian for the health reasons. Now pass the cheese fries.
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@NoTheOtherJohn: ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print
@SaraThomas84: I'm convinced that people are now just getting married and having babies to have something to post on FB
@gman_kam: When black guys say "ya feel me?", I literally feel them so they know exactly what level of white I'm operating at.
@DamienFahey: Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.