@RandomAntics: I'm a vegetarian for the health reasons. Now pass the cheese fries.
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@AlexvanBeek: When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs.
@agathagotstoned: *walks out into irradiated air using an antique porcelain teacup as a gas mask* *dies instantly, but with a touch of class*
@AndyShulk: When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.