@Jason_Horton: "I'm a very private person" - people who are on back to back reality shows
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@TheCiscoKidder: A billion yahoo accounts got hacked, but the most surprising thing is that a billion people had yahoo accounts.
@iscoff: The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations
@KizerBillhelm: Satan: Welcome to hell! You can spend all eternity walking barefoot across legos OR you can wear these crocs. Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
@BPMbadassmama: I know exactly how President Obama feels. Every time my kids are forced to listen to me, they make angry Republican faces.