@Jason_Horton: "I'm a very private person" - people who are on back to back reality shows
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@jake_lach: You think you have your anger issues under control until someone starts telling an important story while they're chewing
@Ristolable: A guy I know just posted "I'm relaxing today, don't bother me" on Facebook, and let me tell you: I was going to bother him but now I'm not
@simoncholland: [Mother's Day text to my wife] Don't let the kids know I sent this but do you know where we keep the powdered sugar and band-aids?