@TooTallWhoDis: I'm a virgin but I have sex sometimes
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@iwearaonesie: watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college
@lalastrailer: I spent the whole day cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean trying to find out where my son hides his weed.
@KeetPotato: [reading message i found in a bottle that drifted onto the beach] to myself: "updog.. what's updog?" [another bottle hits my foot]