@mattvbrady: im about to go on a date. im sure it will be perfectly normal and wont go viral or anything...
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@weinerdog4life: Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet.
@hammbone84: Turns out that my wife isn't very fond of me referring to her period tracker app as the Countdown to Armageddon.
@ManvAlcohol: What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
@MatCro: [4 strangers are smearing their bodily fluids on each other] [one turns to camera] "There has to be a better way." VOICEOVER: "Hot tubs."