@iheartgunts: I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards.
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@Breadery: Snow White succumbs to avian influenza as a message against the laziness of magically hiring animals to complete household chores.
@That_Damn_Duck: I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
@steveffootball: A girl at the bar just did a tequila shot and didn't make a face. We're getting married