@Phook75: I'm actually not sure if the Wife decorated the tree really well or she just created the best Lady Gaga outfit in history
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@truegritrumble: ME: *as a surgeon* What's the worst that could happen? Your nose buzzes & we put all the pieces back & start over...Where are you going?
@Sickayduh: "We need a name for this big flat state full of corn and you're gonna be the one to do it" "I...uhhh... Wha?" "Nailed it. Next state."
@AndrewNadeau0: HER: Can I give you my new number? ME: *Eye roll* I REALLY doubt you came up with a number I don't already know.
@Playing_Dad: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you you may be in love with a boomerang.