@Sassafrantz: I'm always a big fan of the prison teardrop tattoo. It says I'm sensitive but I've killed people.
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@fivethirtyeight: Becoming hard to tell difference between credible news organizations like 4chan and troll sites like New York Post.
@kcmoore51: Just heard a lady in Target scream "WE DON'T BUY THINGS JUST TO BUY THINGS" at her kids and now I kinda wish she'd have a talk with me also.
@mjkspeaks: [at ER] ME: my stomach hurts. DOC: have you been able to eat anything today? ME: yeah, like 75 pieces of pizza.
@TheRobCee: [stewardess] "Sir, even if you ARE, as you say, the REAL Slim Shady- the captain has asked for all passengers to remain seated at this time"