@fsuflores: I'm always careful with women that do not speak to me even after the 4th date.
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@eyeswidebutt: did you write "call Gary in HR for lots of really disappointing and hairy sex" on the bathroom stall? [wearing my "I hate gary" tshirt]: no
@TheToddWilliams: Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won't fix... Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn
@markhoppus: Cinderella, but the Prince is searching for the maiden who matches the glass thigh gap.
@vladchoc: Hey look, Grandma! You made the cover of "Didn't Make Me Any Cookies Weekly" again. "What good is she to anyone?" it says.