@Redfiascos: I'm always disappointed when I board a plane and there's no handsome man running after me to stop me. Thanks, hollywood.
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@trojansauce: ME: *vaping* FRIEND: is that just a fountain pen? ME: *ink all over my teeth* nope
@Rollmaninoz: Superman: Look, Lois! Up in the sky! It's a bird! *squints* It's a plane... *puts on glasses* Oh, it's a plane. Lois: CLARK?!?
@Dawn_M_: If that cute guy doesn't approach you at a bbq, he is probably just intimidated by how many sausages you're eating.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is singing the rare 19 hour version of "Let It Go", using only 3 words.