@Redfiascos: I'm always disappointed when I board a plane and there's no handsome man running after me to stop me. Thanks, hollywood.
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@MelvinofYork: Hi, I want to get a tattoo to express my individuality. Do you mind if I look through this book of tattoos you've done for other people?
@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
@2p2TrollCat: Arrived home super drunk. Put the turkey in the oven and went up and banged my wife. Woke up next to the turkey. Afraid to check the oven.