@gorrdano: I'm always ready with my mallet when sewer workers poke their head up from under a manhole.
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@AnnDabromowitz: When I'm CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
@Alex_N_Chains: I just felt a weird twitching somewhere inside me. I think it might be my liver waving a white flag.
@_TayTayJustine: Every time you reply to a text from your ex, Taylor Swift completes another album. Don't be an enabler. Drop the phone.
@ceejoyner: A solid knife fighting strategy is to move clockwise in increasingly larger circles until you reach a safe running distance.