@andylassner: I'm always sad when I see a homeless person or someone with a Blackberry.
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@WeissBrandon: Name the only building in the world with 80,000 stories The library (My 6yo told me to tweet this)
@iwearaonesie: *makes sandwich* *sits down to eat it* *sees dog staring at me* *rips off small piece* *gives her the rest*
@GaryJanetti: Thanks for the holiday photo! I can't believe your little girls are already unhappy, overweight teenagers!
@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.