@andylassner: I'm always sad when I see a homeless person or someone with a Blackberry.
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@ericsshadow: [eulogy] "Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"
@StinkyGr33n: [Speed dating] Me: "Toilet paper, over or under?" Her: "Und.." Me: *flips table* NEXT!!!!!