@andylassner: I'm always sad when I see a homeless person or someone with a Blackberry.
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@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were you on the night of the 5th?" "Dealing drugs." "Louder for the tape?" [leans in] "Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."
@causticbob: I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam on eBay'. That was two months ago, and it's not arrived yet.
@dyldonot: [girl brings me back to her apartment] her: come to bed me: just one sec [velcro noises] [more velcro noises] [too many velcro noises]
@lilgapeach30: If my co-worker says ValenTIMES one more time, I'ma need one of you to make good on the "I'll help you hide a body" promise.