@TheSharona06: I'm amazed they make so many cars without turn signals. Seems like that would be a requirement on a vehicle.
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@jackmackenroth: If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it.
@AbrasiveGhost: [at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom
@PaperWash: [Signing waiver for the show Cops] No no, you don't have to blur my face but how about a sweet mustache?
@TheBoydP: "If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~My son apparently