@primawesome: I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mortimermaiden: I'm peacefully fishing when I notice a ham sandwich on the seat beside me. I pick it up and am dragged to the deep as a salmon reels me in.
@AmericanGent69: Wife: You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday. Me: A 3-way with your sister? Wife: *storms out Me: omg did I ruin the surprise?
@VaDawn13: Dear Restaurant Managers: If more than 3 employees ask me how I'm enjoying my meal, I begin to wonder if you know something I don't know.