@CulturedRuffian: I'm an Easter egg in the streets and a deviled egg in the sheets.
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@primawesome: I pet my dog and he didn't wag his tail. Is he seeing someone else? Is the magic gone? Do we need to spice things up? I'll dress like a cat.
@pinupteacher: ME: For my final wish, I'd like to lose some weight. GENIE: Only way is to eat less and exercise more. ME: This is bullshit.
@deardilettante: [ brings ouija board to your grave ] "Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"
@realHamOnWry: I got a new cat from the inner city shelter. So far he seems fine, except for needing to go outside every hour for a cigarette.