@djr_102: I'm an okay dancer until I whip out the finger guns, then I'm just majestic.
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@madeleinesweet: *on the subway* CUTE GUY: [mouths “hi”] PRETTY GIRL: [mouths “hi” back] ME, IN BETWEEN THEM: [exaggeratedly mouths "YOU GUYS LIKE HOTDOGS"]
@cromp_daddy: man [looking at condom in horror]: oh no.. it's expired woman: don't condoms take like 5 years to expire? man [visibly sweating]: uhhhh
@shadygrenade: "Kids, grandma just had hip surgery so I need to warn you, she's not herself." *grandma struts in wearing skinny jeans and smoking an E-cig*
@Sickayduh: DAD: I want a steak. HER: Eat this chicken instead. It's healthy. DAD: No it isn't. It's dead.