@BadJordon: I'm just a boy, standing in front of the toilet paper aisle, trying to decide whether I want to wipe with a pillow, a cloud, or a kitten.

@awkwardposts: NASA has no chill

@BruceForce: Gravity is just the earth being really clingy

@SteveSuckington: [high school] Teacher: do u have your homework? Ryan Lochte: I was murdered last night

@AndrewNadeau0: No one told me about Snapchat filters so all this time I've just been taping animals to my face.