@torieannesalt: I'm at my classiest when my date rips my bra off and cookie crumbs fall out
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@TheToddWilliams: [therapy] DOC: A fear of clowns is not that uncommon ME: No, a fear of clones DOC: Oh…that seems irrational OTHER ME: That's what I said
@Token_Geezer: Girl said she wanted to have my babies so I invited her over. But she didn’t look happy when I told her to put them to bed by 8 and went out
@Ygrene: [Being murdered at Walmart] Please will you dump my dead body at Target people can't know I shopped here
@causticbob: Illegal immigration is not a new problem. Native Americans used to call it "White People"