@hollywoodsigh: I'm at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to shit faster because it's cold.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DadInUtah: Wife: We're supposed to get 8-10 inches tonight. Me: That's what she said. Wife: Can't you do any better than that? Me: That's what she said
@trevso_electric: turns out the 'kkk' are not just a group of guys who are very agreeable in their text messages :(
@Prof_Hinkley: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Off duty cop: No *cop gets so close their mustaches interlock like velcro* You're driving great, pal
@beliz69: Today, I asked my husband if he would still love me if I was ugly and fat. He answered, "Yes, honey I do."