@DaddyJew: I'm at my creepiest when I see a drunk chick crying outside of a bar and just think 'bingo
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@KalvinMacleod: Dave is coming over. Dave from work or loud and obvious Dave? Outside: THIS RAIN HAS MADE ME WET. I AM WEARING PANTS. MY EYES ARE BLINKING.
@okimstillhungry: Me: *Puts up fake Halloween cob webs* Spider who just woke up from a night of drinking: What the f
@djdarrellripley: *At The Opera* Her: Where are you going? Me: I have to go to the Men's Room. Her: I have the car keys. Me: Shit!