@novicefather: I'm at my most audacious and brazen when I shamelessly use words like audacious and brazen.
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@Carbosly: Me: My sex life is like your car. Friend: What? Sleek, performance-inspired, 6-speed, classic & acclaimed? Me: Nope. Electric powered.
@Sarcasticsapien: Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
@tvandjam: Wow, you're a Sagittarius?? That must mean you're trusting, passionate and thick as pig shit to think I care about horoscopes
@ANNIEwayyyy: "Sorry, I forgot to pay attention. But yeah, I have no idea where we are now. There definitely shouldn't be cows." ~me giving directions