@CaniacMONK: I'm at my most brilliant when the door says "pull" and I don't believe it.
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@jwoodham: Every time I go for a run I think "why am I even doing this?" Then I look back and see all the cops chasing me and it's like "oh yeah, duh."
@TheRolo: I almost got ran over by joggers. I saved myself by pretending to be a stop light. I got away while they jogged in place.
@Ndeshi_M: Don't buy Colgate whitening toothpaste!! Label reads: Guaranteed whiteness in only 14 days... 15 days later and I'm still black.