@sarcasticmommy4: I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be.
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@withanewname: "Kids, part of my comprehensive zombie apocalypse plan are these Tshirts to keep up with each other" "Daddy, why do ours say appetizer?"
@WPLGLocal10: Man arrested after accidentally texting probation officer asking if he had any weed
@truegritrumble: HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture.