@topaz_kell: I'm at my most "floor manager" when I'm falling down drunk.
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@robotmouthfarts: EMT: [opens my shirt revealing bread covering my nipples] You faked cardiac arrest for this? Me: Just say clear and make my grilled cheese.
@Shingaboop: Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.