@FancyNancyAnn: I'm at my most gymnastic when I'm trying not to touch the toilet seat, sink and door handle in a public restroom.
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@wilw: "Miss Yates, why didn't Sam and Frodo just use the eagles to fly the ring to Mount Doom?" - Ted Cruz.
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I have never seen this before: You have no bones!" Me: "Really? Could the x-ray be broken?" Doctor: "Ignore what I just said."
@GlennyRodge: My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet.
@HALFniteStand: "The past tense of LOL is not LOL'd, it's L'dOL." - How I like to end a date with 18-25 year old girls.