@EliHansenMusic: I'm at my most immature when girls misspell "cologne" and start talking about how bad a man's colon smells
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@captainkalvis: Me: im on a quest to lose my virginity Friend: well, for starters dont call it a quest Me: ok but the ar- Friend: the armor's gotta go too *i dismount from my horse and stomp metallically off to my room*
@korryduke: Hey people with one syllable names...... Good job ruining the Happy Birthday song. Jerks
@magicChopstick: Spider Man, Spider Man Chillin' in his camper van Kickin' back, drinkin' booze head to toe in sweet tattoos Hang on That is not Spider Man
@DirtMcTurd: [texting drug dealer] "You around? I was gonna stop by." Yeah what are u looking for? "I stopped doing drugs, I just miss you"