@vanluvz1: I'm at my most nurturing when I'm plotting a way to drop my 12 yr old at school 3 days early.
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@jbringsmayhem: 9: do they drink beer in heaven? Me: I kinda doubt it... 9: does somebody check for it at the gate? Me: ...
@causticbob: Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency "Please help, I made too much spaghetti" Relax sir, we've all been th—*spaghetti starts coming out of the phone*
@Dank_Pal: ~Little Mermaid family meeting~ Ariel.... We found this hidden in your top drawer. *places sea cucumber on table*