@vanluvz1: I'm at my most nurturing when I'm plotting a way to drop my 12 yr old at school 3 days early.
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@naazihah: Let's all just take a moment to appreciate the dedicated men and women of this great nation who sacrifice their evenings to deliver pizzas.
@junejuly12: Whenever an automatic hand dryer doesn't turn on for me, I like to think my diet is really working.
@KeetPotato: therapist: "remember there are no stupid questions" wife: "okay" therapist: "keith you start" me: "do sharks ever need to have a bath?"
@neiltyson: #WhenIWasYourAge: We had to open all doors by ourselves. None of them knew we were coming.