@vanluvz1: I'm at my most nurturing when I'm plotting a way to drop my 12 yr old at school 3 days early.
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@living_marble: Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.
@DaHess1: A bunch of religious accounts are following me so I can only assume I'm the subject of a monthly sermon series.
@Z_Mendenhall: Remember when you first started driving and everything was scary. Now you're going 80, putting salsa on your taco, driving with your knees.
@rickygervais: If a swan broke my arm I'd keep it quiet. Embarrassing. "Help, I'm being beaten up by a big white lanky floating chicken." Not cool.