@pinupteacher: I'm at my most pacman when I try and get to the snack table at a party without interacting with a single person.
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@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."
@shanethevein: The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I'm joking.
@thatdutchperson: "If all your friends jumped" 'Yes' "But if they" 'Yes' "But" 'IF I EVER GET FRIENDS I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT ME TO, OK MOM?