@JoshontheGo: I'm at my most "penguin", when I'm walking to get more toilet paper with my shorts around my ankles.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DiscoFruit: me: *lights cig* do u smoke? girl: no, cigarettes killed my father me: oh, cancer..? her: no, an army of them, gunned him down me: wait what
@cakemittens: Adulthood - Pros: you can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: this will somehow make you sadder.
@sirmunchie: My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn't just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
@WilliamAder: Invited a homeless guy to Thanksgiving dinner this morning, so when he shows up at your place, let him in.