@abhorrent_wife: I'm at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved.
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@ComedicBust: *Speed Dating* Me: What'd you have for lunch? Her: Funny you should ask, I had this really great salad wit... Me: NEXT!!
@MandyUncle: If there's one thing I've learnt in life it's to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
@KeetPotato: unstable person: "when there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth" stable person: "i look after the horses"