@Brianhopecomedy: I'm at that age where all of my sentences start like this one.
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@_RealBlondeGirl: I hate it when candidates put signs on your lawn without even asking your permission. Who the hell is 'Foreclosure'?
@iwearaonesie: cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 the look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless
@Mr_Kapowski: You know you're good when they have to add an amendment to the company handbook cause they never thought anyone would do what you did
@Elizasoul80: My child: Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Me: "That's impossible, they're all running for president right now."