@MythicPicnic: I'm at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
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@TheTweetOfGod: Media, stop using the phrase 'breaking news'. It's been broken for some time now.
@stephenjmolloy: Commissioner Gordon: It says here that bats sleep upside down and wee over themselves. Batman: We also poop. CG: We? B: They. I mean they
@hipchkk: I keep an extra stash of tampons in my purse to launch at blowhards who punctuate the end of their sentence with the word, "Period!"
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis calls the cops to report the pug that's been chasing him. The line is silent except for soft panting. the operator barks